I took the better part of 3 months away from social media however, I took a sabbatical with writing for half the year.

Transitions were abrupt, often and unforseen. This year has proven to engulf the weight of an ocean dying for a drink. From state side to Costa Rica and back again traversing the West Coast in search for the spiritual self disconnected from the physical self. The two are the same yet the distance can be galactic. Simultaneously watching the disappearing act of friends who have meant the world no longer hold a candle and it burns just as bad. Passing more judgement towards the self for doing the work and becoming a private island was not a part of the agenda however, without the immense silence one could not see clearly nor hear the locked away wisdom of the higher self begging to be on the front lines.

The kids, these days, are effectionaltely calling it shadow work, the active action of releasing what no longer serves. Emotional separation of beliefs, cloud what could be, while hanging firmly to what was, spreads a seed of two feet one grave. By the very visual definition, one could be blocking their future for missing the past. The continued work comes from boundaries being crossed, hearts being broken and not enough happiness to speak freely about. The road to personal salvation is a lonely one, they don’t tell you in the brochure. If you want the kind of success your mind gets excited about, you must be willing to sequester your dreams to paper and share them with no one. There must be a diligence, or oath to the self, which conspires with you to keep your eye on the prize. And, to my understanding, the prize comes after you stop noticing.

Through racism, gas Lighting, manipulation, toxic people, shamed life choices, trauma bonding, untamed tongue, lack of proper communication came a huge realization that serving also means the self. Those aforementioned attributes were the catalyst that drove a girl back to the start and shelter herself for the winter. It’s challenging to choose the self yet there needs to be a time that you get to. Investing in the self has been the best anecdote to mental freedom. Now the goal is to apply said freedoms towards a life worth living and the support to land safely. This type of discovery only arrives when all options have turned their back leaving you with . . .you! What does one do when all has failed placing you firmly with what you came here to do in the first place? You follow your genius and dreams in silence and rise like a Phoenix without fanfare. Does this ultimately mean you are alone? No. It means your circles are smaller, your time is shorter and the distractions are no longer welcomed. While I am more than positive this sounds like serious work, there is no other way. Saying yes to yourself is the first step. Action is the second. The rest falls in to place once the decision has been made to continue moving forward. The scary part is believing in yourself.

Challenge accepted!